You get that sinking feeling, almost panic-mode, as you search to locate them. Focus on that, feeling and imagine it never going away.
There are no words I can come up with, to describe what its like to not know, where someone is that you love, is. It's unthinkable for most. Even after our experience with Mandy being gone, I can't adequately imagine what its like for all the other families that are still searching. To say just what they are going through can best be described as the "unthinkable."
I was amazed as we searched for Mandy, how much support we found in other families with missing loved ones. They became my backbone, I shared tears, with a mother that found her son after a 4 year search, and I recall her words on the phone to me, "don't give up hope...please Angel, if we can find our boy after 4 long years there's hope for us all."
At the time we were in a massive country wide search for my step daughter, her joy gave me hope, and it must have given a ray of hope to others at the time too.
When the phone rang in October 2007, telling us that Mandy was alive, do you know what I was doing?? Very few do, I was filling out her data, to send to Project Jason, I had just highlighted a jpg. to attach to the post, I never hit send because at that moment we got that call... Oh God she was alive and I was in so many tears, when I calmed down just a bit, I sent a quick message off to Kelly Jolkowski, founder of Project Jason another person that helped so much during that time that of the "unthinkable"
Kelly is still searching for her son Jason.
I am still not over the emotion of what we went through,
I do not think one ever gets over it, you just move on.
The psychics that sought us out during that time, I really believe that in their hearts and twisted minds they thought that they we're helping us.
Its as if something in their minds, makes them believe that they are gifted, that they must share. When it reality its only their imagination, nothing psychic. We all have thoughts and theories, dreams when we hear of someone missing, only difference is IMO a psychic, shares those things, falsely believing that they are special, and have some magical insight. In truth they are just like the rest of us, we all have imaginations, we all dream, except most of us know it IS our imagination, and not some guide or departed spirit.
When one of them phoned, you might ask, why didn't you just hang up on them, or tell them to go pound salt?
Simple the phone rings, we answered EVERY call during that time, even if we didn't recognize the number, for hope that this might be the phone call that tell us that she is alive, and also it could be the call that told us, unwelcome news, just imagine every time the phone rings thinking like that.
So I answer the phone and this psychic is on the other end, I'm half pissed, half relieved, I want to just hang up, tell them what I really think, but the voice on the other end of the line, begs me, just hear me out "I had a vivid dream I think it's where she is..."
Then I listen, to this strangers rantings telling me, "she's dead in the desert, there are vultures, picking at her, flesh and bones...blah blah blah, I was in tears before I hung up on the nut-case.
Now what you don't know, is that we had cause to believe that she was in Nevada, already, before the phone call, and now a complete stranger is telling me something that matches, just a little bit on what the investigators found.
My mind raced, "what if this IS true?"
I'm already dealing with the thought or fear that she could be dead, and to hear a loved one has passed, from someone that you don't know, there are NO words to describe it, damn it, none, there is the same pain as when someone you love really does die, yet there is a combo of a stomach turning feeling that there is a delusional person on the other end of the phone that thinks she is.
I wanted to scream, yet I was numb from the ordeal of day after day, with no word as to where, she was, not a good place to be, and I pray to what ever higher powers there are that not another family has to go through that moment. Ever....
To make it worse, ah so much worse, is that with in a day of this "desert-bone reading" We got yet another call from investigators based in Reno, wanting to verify Mandy's tattoos, apparently, a body had been found, or someone was injured. (they never gave us details)
But it wasn't her, but it was someone's loved one, some family may have gotten that call that their search was over. Again another unthinkable emotion relief that it wasn't her, yet grief for the family that was about to get the awful news...
There were other readings, I was so distraught at the time, never thought to write the BS down.
All of them were wrong...every single one of them!
I detest these self proclaimed psychics...not one has ever found a missing person, despite their claims. They are all frauds.
Read Kelly Jolkowski's take on Psychics HERE
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